Back in the day, the only people youd find in an espresso bar would be people who knew what they wanted to order and how. In serious coffee towns like Seattle, Portland and New York City anyone who entered the realm of gourmet coffee was there for a reason"they wanted something better than the cup of Joe at the doughnut shop. Espresso bars in other cities served a niche population who understood the concept of gourmet coffee and sought out these establishments.
Today, espresso bars are ubiquitous in any decent sized city or town. Thats a good thing for those of us who like espresso, but has presented its own set of problems. The problem Ive encountered at establishments that arent in traditional espresso country is that far too often the customers are neophytes who not only dont know what they want but dont understand the entire concept of espresso. Frequently, lines will ensue not because the staff isnt pulling shots quickly enough or that theyve got too many customers but because some clueless newbie is hemming and hawing over what to order.
For the benefit of espresso newcomers here are some tips that will help you get what you want, as well as helping the staff at your local espresso bar keep things moving along at an orderly pace.
--Know what you want beforehand. You should have a few drinks that are your drinks, and order those more often than not. For example my drinks are a Latte with an extra shot served either iced or hot depending on the weather. Occasionally, Ill have a cappuccino or a shot or two of espresso. If you want a specific sort of milk (soy milk, skim milk, etc.) ask for it when you order. The barista may ask you what kind of milk youd like"answer quickly or, if it doesnt matter just say so. Typically, youll get 2% or some other default selection. Also, make sure to know what size you want. I usually get a tall at most espresso bars and a venti at Starbucks, which are the largest sizes they offer. The espresso bar"as the name implies"isnt very different in concept than the alcohol bar: they basically offer the same things (or they can all make the same thing) with some unique in-house specialties. You wouldnt go to the bar at the Ritz-Carlton or other classy establishment (or, for that matter, even a dive bar) and expect the bartender to explain the entire concept of cocktails, explain whats in a martini and so forth.
--Dont take your kids to an espresso bar. This is not only for the benefit of those of us who dont want to listen to your screaming spawn, but for the benefit of kids themselves. Kids dont want to drink coffee. Take them to Baskin-Robins or somewhere theyll actually enjoy. If you must take them, the same rules apply"they should know what they want or you should know what they want. A lot of espresso establishments serve soft drinks, and if they dont most can whip up an Italian soda. In any case, dont expect the barista to provide a list of kid-friendly drinks. Thats not their job, and youre holding up the line. Also, keep in mind that many people come to espresso bars to work, read, engage in conversation, or just enjoy a few minutes of downtime. Nothing spoils this faster than crying babies, obnoxious brats running all over the place, or ill-mannered pre-teens giggling and cutting up. Make sure your kids behave themselves"its a good opportunity to teach them the basic concept of how to behave in establishments and situations that require some semblance of deportment. Unfortunately, far too many parents think the whole world is one big half-price pizza night at Chuck E. Cheese and that there are no guidelines for the behavior of their children. Dont be one of these poor excuses for parental role models, and try to teach your kids how to behave in the world from an early age. Everyone will be better off for it.
--Make sure that you tip the help. Being a generous and enthusiastic tipper in general helps lubricate your passage through lifes tight spots, and nowhere is this more important than at your local espresso bar. Some places will have a tip cup on the counter, others wont. Barnes and Noble, for example, wont let their coffee bars have tip cups on the counter but they do accept tips. Not only is tipping the decent thing to do, but it is an investment"particularly in any place that youll be patronizing regularly. A dollar toke for the counter help will ensure that your order is prepared quickly, accurately and courteously. Do this enough and youll find that things that other folks pay for"extra shots of espresso, soy milk, etc."will be comped. If you go to a place on a daily basis, or even several times a week, its a good idea to throw in a big tip every now and then. Give them $10 at Christmas, for example. It will pay dividends throughout the year, and youll quickly become a favored customer.
--If you want your drink made a certain way, explain it while you order. This implies you know what youre doing and should not be confused with stammering around about espresso basics. The good news is that most of the big chains like Starbucks and Barnes and Noble train their help to make a decently consistent drink. Theyre taught to follow a procedure, however, and if you want your drink done a certain way that isnt standard operating practice youll need to explain what you want. Most baristas can capably comply and happy to do so, but they cant read your mind. Nor should you assume that there is a standard way to make any drink. In a perfect world there probably would be, but the reality is that no such standards exist.
--Finally, the word is ES-PRESS-O and NOT EX-PRESS-O. Theres no X in the word. Regardless of how much or how little you know about coffee, theres no excuse for stupidity.
